"What a fine work of art," said the old king as he examined an exhibit in the corridor of the museum.
"Sir, that is a man staring at you," remarked his jester.
A single tear welled up in the old kings eye, "I know."
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Book of Jobin 14:8
The villagers gathered around the stranger basking in his golden glow.
"Lord, have you come to save our children from the plague that has swept thorough our humble land?" Asked a rough looking man kneeling before the strangers feet.
"I am no lord," said the stranger.
"forgive him," shouted an old woman, "He knows not the likeness of a god when he sees one."
"You have me mistaken kind folk,I am a simple traveling salesman," said the stranger.
"but what of your divine glow?" Ask a young girl missing a front tooth.
"HAHA, I guess it has been a while since I had a bath," said the stranger with a chuckle.
"Lord, have you come to save our children from the plague that has swept thorough our humble land?" Asked a rough looking man kneeling before the strangers feet.
"I am no lord," said the stranger.
"forgive him," shouted an old woman, "He knows not the likeness of a god when he sees one."
"You have me mistaken kind folk,I am a simple traveling salesman," said the stranger.
"but what of your divine glow?" Ask a young girl missing a front tooth.
"HAHA, I guess it has been a while since I had a bath," said the stranger with a chuckle.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Book of Jobin 8:9
"Quickly we must cut through the garden to get to the gate in time, follow me," Shouted the Monk as he opened a door and darted through.
The band of men followed him into a lavish garden with a running fountain in the middle.
The monk suddenly stopped in the middle of a stone path way. "Cursed beast, be gone from here," he shouted as he waved his arms at a horned horse.
"These monsters have cursed this land for generations and that is the last of them, I must kill it."
"My good man that is a unicorn, a sign of fortune and grace to kill it would be to spit in the face of the gods," said Von Ryan as the man slit the animals throat with a dull knife.
The band of men followed him into a lavish garden with a running fountain in the middle.
The monk suddenly stopped in the middle of a stone path way. "Cursed beast, be gone from here," he shouted as he waved his arms at a horned horse.
"These monsters have cursed this land for generations and that is the last of them, I must kill it."
"My good man that is a unicorn, a sign of fortune and grace to kill it would be to spit in the face of the gods," said Von Ryan as the man slit the animals throat with a dull knife.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Book of Jobin 4:4
"Cover your eyes for beyond this door lies Meckor the god of creation, a sight so divine it could well cause cataracts in a nonbeliever," rants the Monk as he removes the barricades from a large door. His feeble malnourished arms struggle to lift the heavy wooden barricades and one falls to the floor with a thud.
"Let me help you," says Von-Ryan.
"No you fool stand back or you will meet your doom," shouts the monk.
Von-Ryan steps back and allows the man to struggle with the remaining barricade for a few moments until it too falls to the floor. The monk struggles to catch his breath.
"Now, behold," the monk drags open the large door.
The men peer in side only to see a platypus. "here we go." remarks Von-Harris.
The monk enters the room and approaches the animal.
This is ... only a platypus, "I don't know how these things keep getting in here.
"Let me help you," says Von-Ryan.
"No you fool stand back or you will meet your doom," shouts the monk.
Von-Ryan steps back and allows the man to struggle with the remaining barricade for a few moments until it too falls to the floor. The monk struggles to catch his breath.
"Now, behold," the monk drags open the large door.
The men peer in side only to see a platypus. "here we go." remarks Von-Harris.
The monk enters the room and approaches the animal.
This is ... only a platypus, "I don't know how these things keep getting in here.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Book of Jobin 3.4
As the monk leads the men further in to his "dining room" Von-Ryan inquires about the monk's religion.
"My good sir, are you the only follower of this religion you continuously attest to?"
He points to a feral cat with cataracts, "go fetch the statics for our visitors."
The cat lets out a feeble hiss and disappears into the shadows.
"Ahh we are here, the chamber of feasts," The monk prys open a large door, a golden lobster crawls out.
"What is that," asks Recalsatrix.
"Don't mind that," says the monk as he kicks it aside.
The men walk in to a rank damp room filled with toad stools. The monk grabs a hand full and stuffs them in his mouth.
"Feast now there is enough for allll....." the monk's eyes dilate as he stares at a wall and begins to drool.
The men stare on as the monk soils him self and falls to the filth laden floor.
"That explains a lot," remarks Von-Harris as a rat scurries up to the monks shaking body and nibbles at his finger tip.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Book of Jobin 3:1
"Follow me to my grand dining hall where we shall feast and pray."
The man makes his way down another corridor that opens into a grand dining hall with elaborate ceiling paintings.
"How beautiful," remarks Von Harris.
"I have been meaning to paint over those gaudy old markings, they distract visitors from my treasures."
The men help them selves to seats at the dining room table.
"Fools that is not where we eat that is where I sleep, the dining room is back here."
He then opens a door, within is a well stocked winery.
"Look at all these fine vintages in their prime," exclaims Von Harris.
"We shall feast well tonight," says Von Ryan.
"Fools that is my rat crushing instruments, ah there goes one now." The man grabs two a bottles and tosses them at a rat scarring across the floor, missing by several feet.
The men move on past a room filled with aged cheeses and cured meat.
"Perhaps if you got rid of these cheeses you would not have such a rat infestation," said Recalcatrix.
"Spontaneous generation makes fool of us all," chuckles the monk.
The man makes his way down another corridor that opens into a grand dining hall with elaborate ceiling paintings.
"How beautiful," remarks Von Harris.
"I have been meaning to paint over those gaudy old markings, they distract visitors from my treasures."
The men help them selves to seats at the dining room table.
"Fools that is not where we eat that is where I sleep, the dining room is back here."
He then opens a door, within is a well stocked winery.
"Look at all these fine vintages in their prime," exclaims Von Harris.
"We shall feast well tonight," says Von Ryan.
"Fools that is my rat crushing instruments, ah there goes one now." The man grabs two a bottles and tosses them at a rat scarring across the floor, missing by several feet.
The men move on past a room filled with aged cheeses and cured meat.
"Perhaps if you got rid of these cheeses you would not have such a rat infestation," said Recalcatrix.
"Spontaneous generation makes fool of us all," chuckles the monk.
Book of Jobin 2:8
A Massive door swings open and Von Ryan, Von Harris and Recalsatrix wearily stumble thought the threshold.
"Fear not,"shouts Von Ryan. "You are all safe now."
A short man with a strange hair cut wearing the red tunic or a monk scurries out of the shadows, "Close the doors, quickly before the giant spiders over take the monastery!"
"Fear not good sir we have defeated all the giant spiders, burned their egg sacs and slashed down their webs, they shall never plague mankind again," answers Von Harris.
"Quickly barricade the doors before they return," shouts the short monk.
The man pushes past them and barricades the door with a large piece of wood.
"Follow me to the central hall we should be safe there," he says as he beckons them down a dark corridor.
As the men enter the massive hall the short monk leads them aside to a row of statues. "here is what the spiders are after, I have protected these artifacts for decades," says the man pointing to a carefully crafted statue adorned in gold and jade.
"What fine work," exclaims Von Harris.
"Fool you must be blind the true artifacts are hidden behind these worthless stones," the man then reaches behind a statue and pulls out a metallic object. "Behold the holy of holies an item so powerful it can make peoples heads burst in to flames simply from thinking about it."
"But sir that looks to be nothing more than an old cheese..." remarks Recalcartix.
"Fool, how dare this was sent to me by Gartaou the god of life and death, and it is both holy and ancient," interrupts the monk.
The men stare in confusion.
"Your minds are too feeble to comprehend I shall place the item here on this pedestal where it will be safe and it's holyness can not be desecrated."
the short man shuffles to his side, "Perhaps this next item will make you believe." he reaches behind another statue, "before you gaze on this item you should be warned my brother Joben's head exploded when he gazed at this item for only a moment."
He pulled out a length of fabric and waved in the air.
"Sir, that is clearly a scarf," proclaimed Recalsatrix.
"No, it is very ancient and very holy, in fact I shall put it back so you bothersome heathens cannot sully its holiness."
"Fear not,"shouts Von Ryan. "You are all safe now."
A short man with a strange hair cut wearing the red tunic or a monk scurries out of the shadows, "Close the doors, quickly before the giant spiders over take the monastery!"
"Fear not good sir we have defeated all the giant spiders, burned their egg sacs and slashed down their webs, they shall never plague mankind again," answers Von Harris.
"Quickly barricade the doors before they return," shouts the short monk.
The man pushes past them and barricades the door with a large piece of wood.
"Follow me to the central hall we should be safe there," he says as he beckons them down a dark corridor.
As the men enter the massive hall the short monk leads them aside to a row of statues. "here is what the spiders are after, I have protected these artifacts for decades," says the man pointing to a carefully crafted statue adorned in gold and jade.
"What fine work," exclaims Von Harris.
"Fool you must be blind the true artifacts are hidden behind these worthless stones," the man then reaches behind a statue and pulls out a metallic object. "Behold the holy of holies an item so powerful it can make peoples heads burst in to flames simply from thinking about it."
"But sir that looks to be nothing more than an old cheese..." remarks Recalcartix.
"Fool, how dare this was sent to me by Gartaou the god of life and death, and it is both holy and ancient," interrupts the monk.
The men stare in confusion.
"Your minds are too feeble to comprehend I shall place the item here on this pedestal where it will be safe and it's holyness can not be desecrated."
the short man shuffles to his side, "Perhaps this next item will make you believe." he reaches behind another statue, "before you gaze on this item you should be warned my brother Joben's head exploded when he gazed at this item for only a moment."
He pulled out a length of fabric and waved in the air.
"Sir, that is clearly a scarf," proclaimed Recalsatrix.
"No, it is very ancient and very holy, in fact I shall put it back so you bothersome heathens cannot sully its holiness."
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The Metric Resistance 22:8
"We must bring modern medical procedures to this region their current methods are barbaric, as evident in that mad man with the scythe." said Litre Meter. The brothers are distracted upon hearing a crackling laugh emanating from the shadows.
"I wont allow that to happen said a tall unnaturally handsome man."
He then moves toward them and produces a large bottle from beneath his silk tunic and douses the brothers with it's contents. "Ahh acid" the two cry in unison.
"I will bring vanity operations and plastic surgery to this land and no one will stop me, Dr. Feelgood," said the doctor as he picked up a bone saw from the operating table and began to saw into the two men.
"I wont allow that to happen said a tall unnaturally handsome man."
He then moves toward them and produces a large bottle from beneath his silk tunic and douses the brothers with it's contents. "Ahh acid" the two cry in unison.
"I will bring vanity operations and plastic surgery to this land and no one will stop me, Dr. Feelgood," said the doctor as he picked up a bone saw from the operating table and began to saw into the two men.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Metric Resistance 22:7
Rercalcitrix stormed into the medical office only of find the Meeter brothers tending to their wounds. With a mighty yell he charged the two, only to be met with a bucket of luke warm water in his face. the water washed the dung and leaves from his face reveling his handsome porcelain skin. "Gaaa... What is this vile concoction you have thrown in my face that feels ever so refreshing?"
"Its water with a bit of soap." said liter Meeter.
"Soapy water my only weakness," said Recalcitrix as he stumbled backward and out the door and on to the street falling in to a pile of dung, in which he vigorously rolled in, to repair the damage.
"Its water with a bit of soap." said liter Meeter.
"Soapy water my only weakness," said Recalcitrix as he stumbled backward and out the door and on to the street falling in to a pile of dung, in which he vigorously rolled in, to repair the damage.
The Metric Resistance 18:6
"That should be the last we hear from those two cowards," said Recalcitrickx.
"Thank you for saving my boy, and for the circumcision, he surely would have died in the hands of one of those medical professionals."
"What is that you say, a medical professional had take residence in our fair town, I cant stand for one of those wizard who believes in washing tools before preforming circumcisions and promotes a low calorie diet, I will not stand for this treachery. Excuse me ma'am and take care to stay clear of ruffians."
"Thank you for saving my boy, and for the circumcision, he surely would have died in the hands of one of those medical professionals."
"What is that you say, a medical professional had take residence in our fair town, I cant stand for one of those wizard who believes in washing tools before preforming circumcisions and promotes a low calorie diet, I will not stand for this treachery. Excuse me ma'am and take care to stay clear of ruffians."
The Metric Resistance 3:28
"We shall return your baby as soon as you tell us its weight in Kilograms," said Gram Meeter to the farmers wife. The woman cries out in distress, "give back my boy you standardizing bastards." Her call is answered by a handsome young lad named Recalcatrix from the farm down the way, he leaps from an apple tree with a scythe in his hand. He points the scythe at the two and demands they release the child or face his wrath.
the two men laugh and beckon him to attack. "Though shall nor breach the 4 meeter sphere around my personage," said Liter Meeter. "I Shall convert your mass from 150 lb. to 30 Kilograms," said Gram Meeter.
Recalcatrix drew back his scythe and said, "You laugh but you have never seen me circumcise an entire herd of Buffalo in under an hour."
the two men laugh and beckon him to attack. "Though shall nor breach the 4 meeter sphere around my personage," said Liter Meeter. "I Shall convert your mass from 150 lb. to 30 Kilograms," said Gram Meeter.
Recalcatrix drew back his scythe and said, "You laugh but you have never seen me circumcise an entire herd of Buffalo in under an hour."
Sunday, April 25, 2010
3rd Book of Tyrants 29:6
"My lord I love Angileen so much I feel like I can"t control my self every time I see her, I would rather die than be separated from her for even a single night." Pleaded the criminal before the Eternal President Carpathia in the chamber of truth and reconciliation. "How can you say you love her if you cant even eat her poop, honestly how can you?" said Carpathia, "I shall give you a light sentencing for your youthful misguidance, you will be fined all of your assets and belongings, you shall also attend 12 months of Carpathian reeducation coarse. Upon rehabilitation you shall be hanged for four days to serve as an example. As for the harlet Angileen she shall be rehabilitated in my chambers for the next two weeks or until I grow tired of her presence."
3rd Book of Tyrants 28:9
Within the chambers of the ovarian obelisk surrounded by silk curtains atop a pile of pillows lay the the prime minister Ted reciting the ballad of his encounters with the Kragadorian beast to a harem of women as they pleased them selves to his large forehead while unic slaves massaged their feet and stirred a massive cauldron of potpourri.
"And each time I layed with the Kragadorian beast my powers grew greater still," he exclaimed as he trust the gorgarian horn cod piece in to the air, "I achieved immortality three fold." As the women swooned at his story, to appease their lust he unlatched the chains that kept the cod piece atop his groin and cast the 75 stone piece aside crushing a unic. he then dove into the harem as hte wemon giggled and shouted.
"And each time I layed with the Kragadorian beast my powers grew greater still," he exclaimed as he trust the gorgarian horn cod piece in to the air, "I achieved immortality three fold." As the women swooned at his story, to appease their lust he unlatched the chains that kept the cod piece atop his groin and cast the 75 stone piece aside crushing a unic. he then dove into the harem as hte wemon giggled and shouted.
3rd Book of Tyrants 27:4
Deep in hall the masterbatorium amid the polished marble floors and golden statues the three fathers of the federal dictators ship and the grand seminal fountains crafted by an army of 12,000 slaves in front of a 20 foot tall tapestry made of died silk woven with ruby's and gorgarian tusk, secretary general Slovenstine addresses a large assembly of naked harry men recalling his battles with enemy of the state the Fallen Prince Von-Ryan.
"And when he finished devouring the last puppy the the evil prince turned his attention to the children and priests hiding in the church. As he drew near and caught the scent of the helpless flock our great Eternal President Carpathia swooped down from the sky riding on a winged lizard wielding a flaming sword. Oh the battle was amazing... I have since forgotten most of the details but in the end the eternal president drove off the fallen prince put lost his right arm in the mother of all battles."
"And when he finished devouring the last puppy the the evil prince turned his attention to the children and priests hiding in the church. As he drew near and caught the scent of the helpless flock our great Eternal President Carpathia swooped down from the sky riding on a winged lizard wielding a flaming sword. Oh the battle was amazing... I have since forgotten most of the details but in the end the eternal president drove off the fallen prince put lost his right arm in the mother of all battles."
Thursday, April 22, 2010
3rd Book of Tyrants 19:67
"As the the first decree of the Eternal President of Carpathias Grand Tedpathianstine Empire, will be to sponsor the building a grand masterbatorium on this very spot," said newly crowned Eternal President Carpathia in the center of a large crowd of emaciated men and women. "This masterbatorum shall only be opened to the men of the nation and here they may gaze upon the full glory of the the three founding fathers federal dictatorship, which incidentally shall be the only sexual gratification they are allowed."
"Women on the other hand shall spend the first 18 years of their lives preparing for marriage, and upon their 18th year shall be sent to Carpathias palace to prove their home keeping prowess. If these women are of less than 300 stones I reserve the right of premaknocta in Carpathias chambers for an indefinite amount of time."
"Women on the other hand shall spend the first 18 years of their lives preparing for marriage, and upon their 18th year shall be sent to Carpathias palace to prove their home keeping prowess. If these women are of less than 300 stones I reserve the right of premaknocta in Carpathias chambers for an indefinite amount of time."
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
2nd Book of Tyrants 30.19
The three men sit at a camp fire roasting pomegranates.
"With Carpathias charms and whit, Teds large pike and Slovinstines... arm we will kill Von-Ryan and reclaim the throne of the Hellenic Empire and live forever as gods on earth. From this day on we shall be known as the Grecian Triumvirate."
"With Carpathias charms and whit, Teds large pike and Slovinstines... arm we will kill Von-Ryan and reclaim the throne of the Hellenic Empire and live forever as gods on earth. From this day on we shall be known as the Grecian Triumvirate."
2nd Book of Tyrants 15.3
"And that is why I spend six months in the woods trying to lay with the Kragadorian beast for a third time."
"Well that interesting...Hey look at that." cried out Slovinstine pointing to a mass floating down the river.
The two approach a massive raft made of gold and ivory with silk tapestries for sails, on this raft they find the body parts of hundreds of slaves and one man with only one arm barely alive gnawing on the leg of a slave.
"Well that interesting...Hey look at that." cried out Slovinstine pointing to a mass floating down the river.
The two approach a massive raft made of gold and ivory with silk tapestries for sails, on this raft they find the body parts of hundreds of slaves and one man with only one arm barely alive gnawing on the leg of a slave.
2nd Book of Tyrants 1.1
"Vengeance on Von-Ryan" Shouts a gangly bearded man with large ears and a pronounced forehead as he hobbles down a road holding a silver pike in one hand.
In the distance he sees a abstract mass almost seven feet tall, he heaves his pike in its direction and feebly charges across the ground.
"Aghast," shouts a faral character as he jumps out from behind the massive shield.
"For a moment I thought you were my nemesis Von-Ryan," said the bearded man.
"I too search for a nemesis said the feral man, his name is ... What did say your nemeses name was?"
"Von-Ryan" proclaimed the bearded man.
Yes that was his name said the Ferrel man, the man we seek is one in the same, join me Slovinstine in my quest of vengeance."
"Yes I am the great, immortal, and knowledgeable wizard who's powers have shattered empires and slayed dragons for over 3000 years. My very name has frozen knights with terror and caused kings to end their own lives to escape my wrath greater than the gods them selves. My name is one that must be spoken softy as to not strike old women lame or deafen children."
"What is this name my lord?" asks Slovenstine as a quiver shoots down his hump.
"I am known among mortals Ted, Ted Jones."
Slovenstine' s eyes fill with tears and vomits upon hearing the name, as he falls to his knees he loses control of his bladdrer then faints as his body falls in to a pile of horse dung aside the road he loses control of his bowels. as he lies in the horse dung and his own dung his nose begins to bleed.
In the distance he sees a abstract mass almost seven feet tall, he heaves his pike in its direction and feebly charges across the ground.
"Aghast," shouts a faral character as he jumps out from behind the massive shield.
"For a moment I thought you were my nemesis Von-Ryan," said the bearded man.
"I too search for a nemesis said the feral man, his name is ... What did say your nemeses name was?"
"Von-Ryan" proclaimed the bearded man.
Yes that was his name said the Ferrel man, the man we seek is one in the same, join me Slovinstine in my quest of vengeance."
"Yes I am the great, immortal, and knowledgeable wizard who's powers have shattered empires and slayed dragons for over 3000 years. My very name has frozen knights with terror and caused kings to end their own lives to escape my wrath greater than the gods them selves. My name is one that must be spoken softy as to not strike old women lame or deafen children."
"What is this name my lord?" asks Slovenstine as a quiver shoots down his hump.
"I am known among mortals Ted, Ted Jones."
Book of Von-Ryan Ch 21:5
"If only I had my extremely light weight and agile giant roach hide shield, it's scent would certanly draw the Kragadorian beast from its layer," said Lucicus Von-Harris to his hunting companion Vulcancreed Von-Ryan. The two had seen many hunts together and were said to be linked to the others faith due to their bizarre hyphenated middle names.
"Oh, thank the gods my lords for saving me, I have been lost in this wood for nigh 6 months." Said a gangly man with a scruffy beard, large ears, pronounced forehead as he crawled from the shrubs and towards the hunting party.
"My good fellow the nearest town is just down this cobble stone street follow the signs and you should be there in two minutes or you could ask one of those wagon teams for a ride since you appear some what malnourished, but before you go take this solid silver pike to defend your self from bandits that strike no nearer or further than 12 feet away."
"May the gods bless you sirs said the man as he took the joust and held in high in the air, and what is your name good hunter."
"Vulcancreed Von-Ryan, and yours?"
"Why I am the well respected...gaa" and the man was cut down by a bolt of lightning attracted to the pike before he could reveal his name.
"Oh, thank the gods my lords for saving me, I have been lost in this wood for nigh 6 months." Said a gangly man with a scruffy beard, large ears, pronounced forehead as he crawled from the shrubs and towards the hunting party.
"My good fellow the nearest town is just down this cobble stone street follow the signs and you should be there in two minutes or you could ask one of those wagon teams for a ride since you appear some what malnourished, but before you go take this solid silver pike to defend your self from bandits that strike no nearer or further than 12 feet away."
"May the gods bless you sirs said the man as he took the joust and held in high in the air, and what is your name good hunter."
"Vulcancreed Von-Ryan, and yours?"
"Why I am the well respected...gaa" and the man was cut down by a bolt of lightning attracted to the pike before he could reveal his name.
Book of Von-Ryan Ch 20.5
"My good sir I need my rare and extremely light and agile giant roach hide shield repaired, I trust you have the skills," said Luscious Von-Harris as he tossed the seven foot tall shield to the Slovenstine. As Slovinstine walked to retrieve the shield his limp became apparent and revealed a large hump on his back as he bent over to retrieve the shield.
"My good sir I must inquire as to how all those shards of metal became embedded in your arm and face."
"A failed experiment," he snorted as he began to pound away at the shield.
Feeling unwelcome Von-Harris pardons himself to get a drink, "your shield is done," says Slovinstine as he turns to find no one waiting to pay, "Curse you Von-Harin...Von-Haren...Von-... I swear to take revenge upon you with the very shield you so brazenly mock me with."
"My good sir I must inquire as to how all those shards of metal became embedded in your arm and face."
"A failed experiment," he snorted as he began to pound away at the shield.
Feeling unwelcome Von-Harris pardons himself to get a drink, "your shield is done," says Slovinstine as he turns to find no one waiting to pay, "Curse you Von-Harin...Von-Haren...Von-... I swear to take revenge upon you with the very shield you so brazenly mock me with."
Book of Mr. Vengance 20:1
"NO NO NO NO" screamed Carpathia "Not my arm" as I ripped his left arm from its socket and then proceeded to beat him unconscious with it and set fire to his compound. "I hope I must never deal with this cretin again."
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Book of Mr. Vengance 7.7
"As I walked thought the compound I saw Carpathia atop a crystal pyramid covered in carvings of his face and loins. Carpathia himself was surrounded by a horde of slaves chanting his name as they bathed him in honey and wine and jams and then licked him clean. At the base of the pyramid more slaves still worshiped life like golden statues of him. But in the distance I could see a pile of bodies in the center of a puddle of blood, decapitated at the behest of Carpathias madness. As I walked through this estate sale like atmosphere I thought welcome to crazivill."
-Von-Ryan-
-Von-Ryan-
Friday, April 16, 2010
Book of Revival 72:9
"King, arch lord, prophet, master Carpathia, Von-Ryan is at the gates," cried a slave boy to the dear leader. Shocked by the news his hand slumped into a barrel of sparkling champagne.
Book of Revival 36:10
"And he who brings the head of Von-Ryan impaled atop a great golden pile encrusted in ruby's and scented in fine perfumes from the east, they shall dine with Carpathia for two nights consecutively and barrow the most mongral of Carpathias concubines when Cartpathia is on vacation." He said as three of his slaves dipped his hand in a vat of honey and held it to his mouth.
Book of Revival 10:15
"And the penelty for not bowing before Carpahia's golden staure every time you pass is beheding," read Carpathia from his sacred silk scrool.
Book of Revival 1:1
As Carpathia's two surviving slaves drug Carpahia's charred body from the hearth after the epic battle with lord Von-Ryan, Carpathia said "Carpathia is resurrected spread the word to the three corners of the world." He proclaimed his faux gospel to the crowd gathered by the cesspool.
Book of Patriots Ch. 10:17
"After I dispatched his slaves I hacked off his legs with my golden sword and tossed his body in the hearth to burn like the rotten piece of blubber he was. The victory came so easy it is barely worth mention in this epic chronicle."
-Von-Ryan-
-Von-Ryan-
Book of Patriots Ch. 2:9
"From the moment I met Carpathia and saw his 763 slaves rubbing him in olive oil I knew he was preturbed."
-Von-Ryan-
-Von-Ryan-
The Book Tyrants Ch 97:74
"Carpathia thinks Von-Ryan should die a slow and painful death," Niccoli Carpathia murmured as he pulled himself out of the hearth only to realize he had lost both of his legs during the mother of all battles.
The Book Tyrants Ch 6.16
"Carpathia would like to see Von-Ryan top that," Said Nicoli Carpathia holding a still beating hear in his hand, as the stood atop prymid of slaves all chanting 'Carpathia.'
With out hesitation Von-Ryan turns atound and plunges his right fist into a tree and pulls out its wooden heart still pumping sap, he then reaches through the hole in the tree with his left hand and pulls out the still beating heart of a dire bear.
With out hesitation Von-Ryan turns atound and plunges his right fist into a tree and pulls out its wooden heart still pumping sap, he then reaches through the hole in the tree with his left hand and pulls out the still beating heart of a dire bear.
2nd Book of Von-Ryan Ch 56:9
"Then when he went went to face the mighty dragon Kragador, I never saw him again," rambled Recalisatricks. The executioner pulled the leaver and the old man fell thought the trapdoor of the gallows.
"If only he had left me alone," thought the young boy as on lookers tossed cabbage and foul tomatoes at the dangling corpse.
"If only he had left me alone," thought the young boy as on lookers tossed cabbage and foul tomatoes at the dangling corpse.
2nd Book of Von-Ryan Ch 18:7
"Von-Ryan stormed into the great hall in the middle of the feast and tossed the bloody head of the goblin king onto the the lord's silver dish. 'It is done' he said and then turned and left in silence," shouted Recalsatricks as he was dragged thought the busy market place by the patty wagon and on lookers stared in dismay and jeered the old man.
2nd Book of Von-Ryan Ch 6.9
"And that is how Von-Ryan killed the goblin horde with a ham hock," said Rekalsitricks.
"Stop following me," said the young boy. "I'll fetch a squire if I must."
"Stop following me," said the young boy. "I'll fetch a squire if I must."
2nd Book of Von-Ryan Ch 1.1
"I saw Von-Ryan soaring through the air in a cloud of dust, I was lifted off my feet and thrusted into the lake of sulfur where I was terribly disfigured. I then realized that he had saved my life." Said Recalsatrix as he pointed his fleshy stump into the darkness of the knight.
"I just asked if you knew the way to the market," said the young man.
"I just asked if you knew the way to the market," said the young man.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Book of Corrupt Justice Ch. 10:14
"And that is why you should never lay with a dog." He told Monchina with a forlorn look in his eyes. Monochina then reached up and wiped the tears from his face, she now understood why he had killed his brother.
Book of Corrupt Justice Ch. 6:1
Olvarious then stated the obvious, "Volcanious has contracted herpes from his lack of realizing his mother and brothers intimate relationship, that is why he was acting crazy Monchina!"
Book of Von-Ryan Ch 17.99
Today I walked to work, it was very invigorating. On my way to work a cat approached, I expected it to flee, but instead it charged me like a wild rhinoceros. And that is when I realized it was a wild and free weasel with a long flowing tail. As it closed in for the kill it darted at my throat, I took a defensive stance and kicked it thought the air. When it landed it cracked its head open on the curb. The I picked it up and skinned it, I then offered the pelt to a prospective mate.
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