"As the the first decree of the Eternal President of Carpathias Grand Tedpathianstine Empire, will be to sponsor the building a grand masterbatorium on this very spot," said newly crowned Eternal President Carpathia in the center of a large crowd of emaciated men and women. "This masterbatorum shall only be opened to the men of the nation and here they may gaze upon the full glory of the the three founding fathers federal dictatorship, which incidentally shall be the only sexual gratification they are allowed."
"Women on the other hand shall spend the first 18 years of their lives preparing for marriage, and upon their 18th year shall be sent to Carpathias palace to prove their home keeping prowess. If these women are of less than 300 stones I reserve the right of premaknocta in Carpathias chambers for an indefinite amount of time."
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