"Cover your eyes for beyond this door lies Meckor the god of creation, a sight so divine it could well cause cataracts in a nonbeliever," rants the Monk as he removes the barricades from a large door. His feeble malnourished arms struggle to lift the heavy wooden barricades and one falls to the floor with a thud.
"Let me help you," says Von-Ryan.
"No you fool stand back or you will meet your doom," shouts the monk.
Von-Ryan steps back and allows the man to struggle with the remaining barricade for a few moments until it too falls to the floor. The monk struggles to catch his breath.
"Now, behold," the monk drags open the large door.
The men peer in side only to see a platypus. "here we go." remarks Von-Harris.
The monk enters the room and approaches the animal.
This is ... only a platypus, "I don't know how these things keep getting in here.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Book of Jobin 3.4
As the monk leads the men further in to his "dining room" Von-Ryan inquires about the monk's religion.
"My good sir, are you the only follower of this religion you continuously attest to?"
He points to a feral cat with cataracts, "go fetch the statics for our visitors."
The cat lets out a feeble hiss and disappears into the shadows.
"Ahh we are here, the chamber of feasts," The monk prys open a large door, a golden lobster crawls out.
"What is that," asks Recalsatrix.
"Don't mind that," says the monk as he kicks it aside.
The men walk in to a rank damp room filled with toad stools. The monk grabs a hand full and stuffs them in his mouth.
"Feast now there is enough for allll....." the monk's eyes dilate as he stares at a wall and begins to drool.
The men stare on as the monk soils him self and falls to the filth laden floor.
"That explains a lot," remarks Von-Harris as a rat scurries up to the monks shaking body and nibbles at his finger tip.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Book of Jobin 3:1
"Follow me to my grand dining hall where we shall feast and pray."
The man makes his way down another corridor that opens into a grand dining hall with elaborate ceiling paintings.
"How beautiful," remarks Von Harris.
"I have been meaning to paint over those gaudy old markings, they distract visitors from my treasures."
The men help them selves to seats at the dining room table.
"Fools that is not where we eat that is where I sleep, the dining room is back here."
He then opens a door, within is a well stocked winery.
"Look at all these fine vintages in their prime," exclaims Von Harris.
"We shall feast well tonight," says Von Ryan.
"Fools that is my rat crushing instruments, ah there goes one now." The man grabs two a bottles and tosses them at a rat scarring across the floor, missing by several feet.
The men move on past a room filled with aged cheeses and cured meat.
"Perhaps if you got rid of these cheeses you would not have such a rat infestation," said Recalcatrix.
"Spontaneous generation makes fool of us all," chuckles the monk.
The man makes his way down another corridor that opens into a grand dining hall with elaborate ceiling paintings.
"How beautiful," remarks Von Harris.
"I have been meaning to paint over those gaudy old markings, they distract visitors from my treasures."
The men help them selves to seats at the dining room table.
"Fools that is not where we eat that is where I sleep, the dining room is back here."
He then opens a door, within is a well stocked winery.
"Look at all these fine vintages in their prime," exclaims Von Harris.
"We shall feast well tonight," says Von Ryan.
"Fools that is my rat crushing instruments, ah there goes one now." The man grabs two a bottles and tosses them at a rat scarring across the floor, missing by several feet.
The men move on past a room filled with aged cheeses and cured meat.
"Perhaps if you got rid of these cheeses you would not have such a rat infestation," said Recalcatrix.
"Spontaneous generation makes fool of us all," chuckles the monk.
Book of Jobin 2:8
A Massive door swings open and Von Ryan, Von Harris and Recalsatrix wearily stumble thought the threshold.
"Fear not,"shouts Von Ryan. "You are all safe now."
A short man with a strange hair cut wearing the red tunic or a monk scurries out of the shadows, "Close the doors, quickly before the giant spiders over take the monastery!"
"Fear not good sir we have defeated all the giant spiders, burned their egg sacs and slashed down their webs, they shall never plague mankind again," answers Von Harris.
"Quickly barricade the doors before they return," shouts the short monk.
The man pushes past them and barricades the door with a large piece of wood.
"Follow me to the central hall we should be safe there," he says as he beckons them down a dark corridor.
As the men enter the massive hall the short monk leads them aside to a row of statues. "here is what the spiders are after, I have protected these artifacts for decades," says the man pointing to a carefully crafted statue adorned in gold and jade.
"What fine work," exclaims Von Harris.
"Fool you must be blind the true artifacts are hidden behind these worthless stones," the man then reaches behind a statue and pulls out a metallic object. "Behold the holy of holies an item so powerful it can make peoples heads burst in to flames simply from thinking about it."
"But sir that looks to be nothing more than an old cheese..." remarks Recalcartix.
"Fool, how dare this was sent to me by Gartaou the god of life and death, and it is both holy and ancient," interrupts the monk.
The men stare in confusion.
"Your minds are too feeble to comprehend I shall place the item here on this pedestal where it will be safe and it's holyness can not be desecrated."
the short man shuffles to his side, "Perhaps this next item will make you believe." he reaches behind another statue, "before you gaze on this item you should be warned my brother Joben's head exploded when he gazed at this item for only a moment."
He pulled out a length of fabric and waved in the air.
"Sir, that is clearly a scarf," proclaimed Recalsatrix.
"No, it is very ancient and very holy, in fact I shall put it back so you bothersome heathens cannot sully its holiness."
"Fear not,"shouts Von Ryan. "You are all safe now."
A short man with a strange hair cut wearing the red tunic or a monk scurries out of the shadows, "Close the doors, quickly before the giant spiders over take the monastery!"
"Fear not good sir we have defeated all the giant spiders, burned their egg sacs and slashed down their webs, they shall never plague mankind again," answers Von Harris.
"Quickly barricade the doors before they return," shouts the short monk.
The man pushes past them and barricades the door with a large piece of wood.
"Follow me to the central hall we should be safe there," he says as he beckons them down a dark corridor.
As the men enter the massive hall the short monk leads them aside to a row of statues. "here is what the spiders are after, I have protected these artifacts for decades," says the man pointing to a carefully crafted statue adorned in gold and jade.
"What fine work," exclaims Von Harris.
"Fool you must be blind the true artifacts are hidden behind these worthless stones," the man then reaches behind a statue and pulls out a metallic object. "Behold the holy of holies an item so powerful it can make peoples heads burst in to flames simply from thinking about it."
"But sir that looks to be nothing more than an old cheese..." remarks Recalcartix.
"Fool, how dare this was sent to me by Gartaou the god of life and death, and it is both holy and ancient," interrupts the monk.
The men stare in confusion.
"Your minds are too feeble to comprehend I shall place the item here on this pedestal where it will be safe and it's holyness can not be desecrated."
the short man shuffles to his side, "Perhaps this next item will make you believe." he reaches behind another statue, "before you gaze on this item you should be warned my brother Joben's head exploded when he gazed at this item for only a moment."
He pulled out a length of fabric and waved in the air.
"Sir, that is clearly a scarf," proclaimed Recalsatrix.
"No, it is very ancient and very holy, in fact I shall put it back so you bothersome heathens cannot sully its holiness."
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